Civil Dissidence: October 2011

Act 1: The Coming Storm

(As the dawn approaches, the knights ready their defense against the coming storm. The dark night of despair and heartbreak awaits. Survival. Revival. Rinse. Repeat. Making sure their feet don't grow weak. The days turn to weeks and their leader begins to speak. Searching for souls to seek. Looking for the hearts of the meek. Before the end, he finishes with the start of his speech.)

Always Alone

I always feel alone

Left to sort shit on my own

Realizing why everyone's getting stoned

Hearing myself as I sleep and moan

Groan, cause of your consistently negative tone

Strip all my flesh, break all my bones

Don't even know all the contacts on my phone

All I ever wanted was a place to call home

A fortress with strong gates, my own type of Rome

The dome of my truest thoughts and wishes

Where my dreams align with my superstitions

But, who do I think I am fooling with these rhymes?

Yet maybe one day, I'll find someone who understands these lines

I feel vacancy

But they drink Hennesy

I feel everything

But they see anything

I am misunderstood

But they are always good

My own shadow lies to me

Looks like a partner in crime but it never says hi to me

But it tries to be the only thing left inside of me

I'm a lover not a fighter but there's a fire burning

An inferno blazing as it's churning

Murdering the remnant of my heart

Rips me from side to side and from part to part

Every girl I've loved doesn't love me back

Forgetting my existence, how fair is that?

I'm trapped, in these raps, my life's out of wack

As if something evil's put my soul under attack

Could you imagine that?

My truest thoughts are trapped in a traveling pack

As if they were presents wrapped for Christmas stacks

Even then, the viewer opens and is confused

Only to be kept in the dust, unused

Tossed around, battered, and bruised

Quick, go to church, but, these pews

Only broadcast opposing views

As I lay awake, stuck in a muse

Strung out beyond normality

My own kind of insanity

While vanity consumes this earth

The curse from my birth

Is the weight of these worries

They make my mind blurry

Doesn't help my case with the jury

I feel vacancy

But they drink Hennesy

I feel everything

But they see anything

I am misunderstood

But they are always good

The world has much apathy

Yet somehow it's evading me

Could the world spare me some?

As I never seem to find the sun

Just when everything's back in place

Despair lands me back flat on my face

I have no trace of how I lost this race

Like all of my caring has gone to waste

I wish I could find a way to erase

The longing to touch base

Stop worrying about what I can't control

As I sit here spewing vomit in a bowl

This life of uncertainty has taken its toll

And the analytical nights begin to take hold

My soul's growing weary and I'm starting to see mold

My boldness withers and what I wished for has come true

Wondering if the raven black streaks help the blue

Feeling like a fool as I drool in my wallowing

As my soul begins to wane and I continue my hollowing

Before long, what makes me human will surely pass

And that fake sense of happiness will come at last.

I feel vacancy

But they drink Hennesy

I feel everything

But they see anything

I am misunderstood

But they are always good

My Own Dark Passenger

These melancholy feelings won't go away

But if I'm honest I don't want to feel ok

These emotions feel more alive than ever

They are the only ones I relate to forever

These hues only show black and blue

Only peace I find is when I snooze

The loss of consciousness is surreal

Better than society, but still far from real

Happiness seems so vain its insane

Its the goddamn bane of my rainy brain

This darkness festering inside is not violent

No red in my life so the palette couldn't be violet

My own dark passenger awaits

Hate to see how it changes my fate

My own slate is never clean or plain

I thrive in this place where I feel pain

Inside my soul is so much gold

But society tells me to mold

Hold on to what I deem most precious

To make my rhymes feel the freshest

But these sessions reveal only what I feel

So real that it will appeal to others who feel

Seal their hearts in tight cause this cold world just might

Take that which they fight and die for and bring it to night

Descend it into the pits and depths of hell

If you can't already tell, I'll never sell

My soul or my heart to be apart

Devil, you can't add me to your cart

My own dark passenger awaits

Hate to see how it changes my fate

My own slate is never clean or plain

I thrive in this place where I feel pain

My emotions are scary cause they are my reality

But in actuality, they make me feel at ease

I know when I look at the mirror there is something there

Not phony or fake, my heart is so big it can bear

The harsh reality of the actualities of this cold world

While every other mirror is broken and curled

Their reality is fantasy yet its similar to mine

But shit, they forgot to bring their minds!

Lagging behind, searching for it but they can't find

What makes us human all along

You're on the right track if you're listening to this song

The body needs food to survive

But the soul needs love to thrive

My own dark passenger awaits

Hate to see how it changes my fate

My own slate is never clean or plain

I thrive in this place where I feel pain

Paranoia of an Insomniac

My eyes are oh so dreary

But clearly, I need you dearly

Please be, please me, please see?

Look at what we could be

See me, could you at least tease me?

My mind is wandering across the universe

No kind of pondering feels worse

How is that love causes so much pain

Like looking for sunshine but finding rain

Such an irony, my optimism begins to wane

I gain nothing from this heart of stain

But everyone else is feeling the same

Feeling lame, knowing most of what I do will be in vain

The only good in my whole life will be its bane

Sleep eludes me

Fools me, school's me

Rules me

I find no source of rest

As my chest is put to the test

It weighs heavily on my soul

So much so it's breaking hold

Making me feel cold

But I'll always be bold

Breaking the mold

A new form of gold

Now drop your cards and fold

Still there's something to be said for being unique

Even if I have several judges looking to critique

And this cold hard world's looking much to bleak

I attempt to the next realm to sneak a peak

My body is ready but my soul's so weak

So many people willing to die for holy causes

Rather than peering into what would cause this

Pause this, rewind this, bind this, can anybody find bliss?

Cling to text with no second guessing

So much so you're making me stressing

I wonder why I feel so left out in the church steeples

God's own people have turned into America's bravest sheople

Regardless, I have just as many faults if not more

Arrogance, pessimism, and always wanting more

But I won't mope cause I have hope in my ability to cope

So nope, I won't end by hanging from the noose of a rope

Sleep eludes me

Fools me, school's me

Rules me

I find no source of rest

As my chest is put to the test

It weigh heavily on my soul

So much so it's breaking hold

Making me feel cold

But I'll always be bold

Breaking the mold

A new form of gold

Now drop your cards and fold

I need somewhere to nest at night

Somewhere where I can start feeling alright

These midnight frights feel not right and the loss of sight and the new heights

Are causing me to lose light and making black and white less tight, I just might lose my might

And my will to fight is starting to feel trite cause I'm always wanting to be alright, tonight

The demons' bites makes the brightness fade

As this music plays

But nothing sways

So go ahead and pray

Nothing left here to slay

My soul's got nothing left to pay

As I ask the Lord...

What do You say?

Sleep eludes me

Fools me, school's me

Rules me

I find no source of rest

As my chest is put to the test

It weigh heavily on my soul

So much so it's breaking hold

Making me feel cold

But I'll always be bold

Breaking the mold

A new form of gold

Now drop your cards and fold

Inter|mission

Above all else, the cure is love.

It always falls back to love and song.

Apathy is destroying the human condition.

The only way to heal is through compassion.

Kindness.

Honesty.

Faith.

Hope.

But love's the most important.

Let us love each other.

And slay the darkness together.

Act II: First Blood

False Judgments

Hypocrites be bitching

Itching to be snitching

Cross-stitching insults with prayer

They dare ask the Lord to care

His presence is barren

So why are you still staring

At someone you’d never give a shit about

While you continue to spit and pout

What authority have you even gained

From my perspective, everybody’s stained

We’ve all got scars

So enough with the tar

Please start to become real

Stop the court-appeals

And learn to love

Cause it’s stemmed from above

Stop judging what you don't understand

Don't act like you know what it means to be a man

I live the best I can

But your judgments pile up like grains of sand

God, please oh please deliver me from this wretched land

Assumptions are swift and fiery thoughts

Stemming from being wrongly taught

They carry more weight than character

While you sit, point, and stare at her

For being a whore and white trash

Nothing she can do when she's outta cash

Selling herself to gain money and self-esteem

But on your high council has decided and deemed

Her as a harlot and a slut

Without looking at the rotting in your gut

Can't say I'd be different with my observations

The golden rule is just a guideline

So much that it blows my mind

So many know, so few follow it

We could all learn to grow, instead we hollow it

In the end, what goes around comes around

So beware of the words you mutter with that treacherous sound

Stop judging what you can't understand

Don't act like you know what it means to be a man

I live the best I can

But your judgments pile up like grains of sand

God, please oh please deliver me from this wretched land

Lord, how come your place of refuge is rejecting

As if the harshness of the world must become resurrecting

I feel more alone than ever in the pale cathedrals

Feeling dull, as your sermons lull and pull me to sleep

Already feeling like a creep, and a freak, for letting my mind speak

Tell me to be meek, I'm already a geek, my soul's already weak

As your idolatry reeks, even though you pray daily every week

Don't tell me how to live my life

God already gives me enough strife

Stop judging what you can't understand

Don't act like you know what it means to be a man

I live the best I can

But your judgments pile up like grains of sand

God, please oh please deliver me from this wretched land

Vanity's Insanity

Strange how dark poses as light
When the blackness consumes our sight
We fear what we do not see
But not the vacancy in glee
Posessions corrupt the mind and soul
Distracting us from the heavenly goal
Our conscience is sold
By seeking for gold
Watch the light and dark fold
And the world comes cold
We search for currency as if it were religion
And take others regardless of permission
This is no mere superstition
Just look at your ambition

Vanity's insanity
Stand and see
Run and flee
Descend to your knees
And pray to be freed

Watch as the Master's whip
Causes one to stumble and trip
The Son of the Morning Star has gone too far
Degrading the human condition, our souls are tarred
Goodness is barred
Don't bother standing guard
This is not a tale of a bard
The striving for money will never be content
And the darkness inside you will never relent
We must break free from the chains of greed
And plant the seeds to destroy the weeds

Vanity's insanity
Stand and see
Run and flee
Descend to your knees
And pray to be freed

The fight for freedom will not be easy
In fact, your stomach will become queasy
Spiritual warfare is stirring of your heart
So don't let the Devil add you to his cart

Vanity's insanity
Stand and see
Run and flee
Descend to your knees
And pray to be freed

Through These Trying Times

Ever see your thoughts unraveling?

In another hemisphere traveling

Every good deed can be unseen

While bad sticks out like fire lit kerosene

I am getting flustered

While everything’s clustered

I lay in my sleepless nights

Panicked, upset by the frights

Sick of these spiritual fights

Too scared to switch the lights

These words get trite

Don’t make them less right

Through these trying times

I cling to these lines

They’re all one of a kind

These are the thoughts in my mind

As I rest and unwind

Writing these strange rhymes

While I still feel sublime

How many damn times can I rhyme in these lines

Before I feel a peace of mind

Through these trying times

Bros are telling me to stop stressing

While girls are far from my blessing

Arrogance is the new appeal

Humility is much too real

I’m a nice guy but I’m not a fool

I watch you sneak a drool at the fools

Who are nothing more than tools

Looking for another trophy to rule

All I ever wanted was something to rely on

Sick of girls playing me like a damn con

A sense of contentment never lasts

And bitter memories keep creeping back

Too much for you to love, not enough to hate

Why must you go, please, why can’t you stay?

Through these trying times

I cling to these lines

They’re all one of a kind

These are the thoughts of my mind

As I rest and unwind

Writing these strange rhymes

While I still feel sublime

How many damn times can I rhyme in these lines

Before I feel a peace of mind

Through these trying times

Liars dominate this landscape

Making it so hard to make

A name for my stake

In this cold place

Of dissent

My descent

To madness is complete

The sadness which makes me weak

The cycle repeats

As do these beats

Seems I can't take the heat

Life's a game of trick or treat

All about who you meet and greet

So take a seat, let me rap a feat

I'll be wanted more than stars in cleets

Regardless, my mind is a mess

Too much stress, not enough rest

Not enough sleep for my weary chest

Lest I be successful with these teary tests

Through these trying times

I cling to these lines

They’re all one of a kind

These are the thoughts within my mind

As I rest and unwind

Writing these strange rhymes

While I still feel sublime

How many damn times can I rhyme in these lines

Before I feel a peace of mind

Through these trying times

(The knights grow weary, and the nights grow long. Thinking the fight was a farse all along. The depths of sadness are nearly reached, and the demons latch onto their souls like leeches. The end is nigh. The wounded leader rises and begins to speak. His message is clear and succinct. Hope begins to take hold. The night begins to fade, and light is seen on the horizon. The moon slowly disappears, and tears are seen at the arrival of the sun...)

Act III: A Glimmer of Hope

Feeling Alright (I'm Soaring)

All these girls act the same

Seeking men for their fame

Attempting to tame, as if they got game

He's sitting there stuttering, forgetting your name

Muttering his mumblings while stumbling cause you're bumbling

The worse you are, the more women will like you

The better you are, the more women will use you

It's a vicious cycle of neglect and abuse

While I sit here all battered and bruised

Not on my body but in my heart

Should've known from the start

Weary of loneliness yet wishing to be apart

Like aiming for a bulls eye but forgetting the darts

Yet I am assured of this

My soul feels bliss

Despite of the dissing

And backstab kissing

Who is gonna be losing in the end

Karma's coming around the bend

In the end, I'll find my significant other

While you sit there crying to your mother

How there are no good men, not even brothers

You smother the bad boys, abandon the good guys

I'm fed up with this and I'm starting to realize

Can't say you won't be full of regrets

Don't come running to me with frets

Tests, or your random sets of being upset

I'm in my own zone of serenity

Nothing you can do to chaos this harmony

I'm feeling better than before

My heart isn't torn

My mind isn't sore

I'm soaring

Though I don't know why

I don't need reasons to fly

Cause I'm feeling alright

The light shades in the dark
Thus begins the spark
So bright it's stark
Like a flying Tony Stark
My lyrics hit the mark
As we fill these parks
Blinded by the light
Seeing the flight
Of the angels at night
It's better than the Wrights
Soaring on wings like eagles
Gollum's gone and it's the return of Smeagol
The darkness is swayed and my sin is paid
As the music plays and evil's slain
The outcome's changing
My soul's not raging
Heart has broken the cage
As I listen to the old Sage
The Author of my pages
This war begins to wage
But He's already paid
The price of my grave

I'm feeling better than before

My heart isn't torn

My mind isn't sore

I'm soaring

Though I don't know why

I don't need reasons to fly

Cause I'm feeling alright

My thoughts are so deep

They’re a damn feat

And they’ll sweep you off of your feet

Rewind that, repeat

Hypnotized by the beat

And a logic so steep

May put you to sleep

As my heart begins to beat

And my emotions run so deep

My language should be fucking bleeped

I'm feeling better than before

My heart doesn't feel torn

My mind isn't bored

I'm soaring

Though I don't know why

I don't need reasons to fly

Cause I'm feeling alright

BE(loved)

So easy to be pessimistic in this dreary place
Stranger still is I can't find where to trace
Or how to erase
Even stare in the face
The start of the despair
The inability to bear
The pain of this big landscape
There is, however, the ultimate escape
Hard to come by but important still
The most expensive life bill
So expensive it kills
Brings my spine to a chill
The feeling is so real
So real but so hard to feel
My soul starts to heal
As if God and the Devil had a deal
My heart is sealed
The elixir of life is love
You know why?
Because it's stemmed from above

Beloved, let's begin to love each other
Start treating each other like brothers
Stuck in this cold but beautiful world together
Don't let the shrill and unpredictable weather
Bring you down whether through war and pain
His love came and removed all the stains
No one left to blame cause He's taken all the shame
So come help resurrect what's left of the shattered masses
And let them know of the God who gives second chances

I'll let you know that I love you
Do whatever I can to make you never feel blue
Don't act like you haven't got a clue
This love has made life have better hues
Things are much clearer, no longer need to check my rear mirror
The past is all but a time period and the future is looking realer
Previously an impossibility but can't you see that this love is changing me
Phasing me, the past's no longer chasing me, I'm finally feeling free
Feeling so much glee, cause my fees are absolved and my chains broken free
These words don't give the sense of peace justice
But believe me and trust this
Never felt so adamant in my whole existence
Usually feeling down but this experience
Is lifting me to a place I've never explored
So high so that I could never feel bored
Life's vacancy is finally filled and killed
Drilled, willed, billed cause it's finally real
The old emptiness begins to peel
Let the demons feed on it for their meals
Like a lion roaring towards veal
Regardless I feel weightless
My soul's freedom's left me breathless
Satan you can't catch this, trap this, wrap this
As I'm rapping this
Cause I'm finally feeling bliss

Beloved, let's begin to love each other
Start treating each other like brothers
Stuck in this cold but beautiful world together
Don't let the shrill and unpredictable weather
Bring you down whether through war and pain
His love came and removed all the stains
No one left to blame cause He's taken all of the shame
So come help resurrect what's left of the shattered masses
And let them know of the God who gives second chances

The brood of vipers will attempt to strike me down
But those damn clowns are so stuck and bound
By the rules they cling to that when they hear this sound
They won't be around, the truth will spin them right round
My convictions are much to sound
While they sit worrying about their pounds
Greed drives their motivations to fill the coffers
Dead man's bones despite the fact their offers
They are scoffers in a world filled with criticism
Causing schisms in God kingdoms cause of their cynicism
Regardless, I must choose to love
It's what God wants
Cause He's the Author stemming from above

Beloved, let's begin to love each other
Start treating each other like brothers
Stuck in this cold but beautiful world together
Don't let the shrill and unpredictable weather
Bring you down whether through war and pain
His love came and removed all the stains
No one left to blame cause He's taken all the shame
So come help resurrect what's left of the shattered masses
And let them know of the God who gives second chances

The Willingness to Die

I am going to die

It's written in the Book of Life

I know I'll fly high

Sigh, it'll be at night

It won't end with a brawl or a fight

Rather just a fading of light

But in the end it'll be alright

Although I just might

Be worried cause of my frights

Realize things aren't so black and white

Before I lose all of my sight

Gotta see what's wrong from right

I am going to die

It's a matter of time

My darkest fears

And all my tears

Will be concealed

And healed

I finally won't feel blue

Lord, I'll finally be with you

Always tough to abide

By these societal laws so I hide

Lied, cried to conceal the sensitive side

So much so I've often thought suicide

But that wouldn't be right

Reminded life'll be alright

So how can I say goodbye

And feel alright

To leave people's side

At this time of night...

I always wondered how I'll go out

Wonder how it'll go down

I really don't think I'll frown

I'll be Potter at the King's crown

My willingness will give me a stone

And I won't be alone

I'll be grown

I won't groan

I'll be home

No need to moan

Everything will fall into place

Everything will be erased

Talk about a clean slate

Talk about fate

I have an irreversible date

With death

I'll lose breath

But I won't mind

I'll lose the mind

The ultimate unwind

The only kind

Now wind the clock

Help me meet Pac

Become an angel in the clouds

Where love and happiness abound

How good does that sound?

Makes me wanna be in the ground

I am going to die

It's just a matter of time

My darkest fears

And all of my tears

Will be concealed

And healed

I finally won't feel blue

Lord, I'll finally be with you

There's no greater love than to die for friends

So please help me Lord, when my life does end

Make it worth it

Comfort my mom cause she won't get it

God, I love her

I'll never meet another

With that much love

So send comfort from above

Help her the way only you can

Send down the one they call the Son of Man

I am going to die

It's a matter of time

My darkest fears

And all of my tears

Will be concealed

And healed

I finally won't feel blue

Lord, I'll finally be with you

Act IV: The Beginning of the End

Knights & Zombies

I have a wandering brain

Full of life and of stains

Watch as I gain fame

My name appearing in the flashing lights

Appealing to the souls who can't sleep at night

Slighted for speaking their heart

Trying to halt you from the start

But they will never break apart

Your heart, mind, and soul

Can't force them into the mold

Trying to make you feel cold

Your trinity's better than gold

And watch as I'm more bold

So far from gone and so far from sold

Destiny's light is clear in sight
So come prepared for the fight

This is the struggle and the war

Between the rich and the poor

Dead and alive

Thrive or survive

Knights & zombies

Watch as they recuperate

Try their hand at changing fate

This is a dish served cold on their slate

A slate full of dirt and maggots on their plate

I'm feeling great, knowing all that's at stake

Will be won, as the sun shines down on my lyrical gun

This is beyond fun, knowing I've spun chaos in the system

Repairing all of the damage and baggage forced upon the victims

The time to rise is past the sunrise

We will surprise and surmise the truth we all know

So I'm waiting for my knights to come, let's go

This is the struggle and the war

Between the rich and the poor

Dead and alive

Thrive or survive

Knights & zombies

As we ride with Calvary

We will watch as every

Doubter is empowered in the face of his surprise

And watch as we celebrate, before the sunrise

This is the struggle and the war

Between the rich and the poor

Dead and alive

Thrive or survive

Knights & zombies

Civil Dissidence

Monday, October 31, 2011

Vanity's Insanity

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Perpetual Anxiety (Redux)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Rising Darkness

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Waiting

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Deny the Facade and Defy the Odds

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Perpetual Anxiety