Through These Trying Times

Ever see your thoughts unraveling?
In another hemisphere traveling
Every good deed can be unseen
While bad sticks out like fire lit kerosene
I am getting flustered
While everything’s clustered
I lay here in these sleepless nights
Panicked, upset by the frights
Sick of these spiritual fights
Too scared to switch the lights
These words get trite
Don’t make them less right

Through these trying times

I cling to these lines

They’re all one of a kind

These are the thoughts on my mind

As I rest and unwind

Writing these strange rhymes

While I still feel sublime

How many damn times can I rhyme in these lines

Before I feel a peace of mind

Through these trying times

Bros are telling me to stop stressing

While girls are far from my blessing

Arrogance is the new appeal

Humility is much too real

I’m a nice guy but I’m not a fool

I watch you sneak a drool at the fools

Who are nothing more than tools

Looking for another trophy to rule

They want nothing more than surface value

While he sits there motionless from the valium

All I ever wanted was somebody to rely on

Sick of girls playing me like a damn con

A sense of contentment never lasts

And bitter memories keep creeping back

Too much for you to love, not enough to hate

Why must you go, please, can’t you stay?

Through these trying times

I cling to these lines

They’re all one of a kind

These are the thoughts on my mind

As I rest and unwind

Writing these strange rhymes

While I still feel sublime

How many damn times can I rhyme in these lines

Before I feel a peace of mind

Through these trying times

Liars dominate this landscape

Making it so hard to make

A name for my stake

In this cold place

Of dissent

My descent

To madness is complete
The sadness which makes me weak

The cycle repeats

As do these beats

Seems I can't take the heat

Life's a game of trick or treat

All about who you meet and greet

So take a seat, let me rap a feat

I'll be wanted more than stars in cleets

Regardless, my mind is a mess

Too much stress, not enough rest

Not enough sleep for my weary chest

Lest I be successful with these teary tests

Through these trying times

I cling to these lines

They’re all one of a kind

These are the thoughts on my mind

As I rest and unwind

Writing these strange rhymes

While I still feel sublime

How many damn times can I rhyme in these lines

Before I feel a peace of mind

Through these trying times

I’d Be Your Everything

I’d do anything

Replace everything

To go back to that place

Come on, let’s go and replace

What we didn’t like and erase

The start of the blank face

Leave it without a trace

I know that it’s what you want

I truly wish there was a truth font

I can see the longing in your eyes

So why not take the ultimate prize?

I sit here with my arms closed but heart open wide

Waiting for fate and God to finally collide

To give me what I always feigned for

The loneliness is really making me sore

The memories are my lifeline

I could think about them for a lifetime

Still, a lifeline’s not a source of blood

The emotions swell to a flood

So please change your mind

You’re truly one of a kind

I’m through looking to find

I’m already lagging behind

I’m here if you need me

I’d gladly be your everything

So at least give me anything

I’m a knight with chinks in my armor

Yet I’m still a knight

I can be your knight

Let me be

So I can sleep at night

Thank you

Please? 

Fake

Damn girls and their flakiness

Doesn’t help this achy mess

These lonely days seem to never end

As I see the text written waiting to send

This pain is so real

I now know what it feels

To offer your heart and to offer  your soul

End up losing a large portion of your whole

I’m a broken shell of a man

While girls lay soaking a tan

Repeating the cycle of abuse and mistreatment

While I sit her wallowing in abandonment

I have so much to give and so much to lose

I put some deep tunes on and go for a cruise

A man rapping his heart out over the microphone

Knows me better than every girl I’ve ever known

I sit here in amazement over this bizarre fact

The man over the radio sees me with no cataract

Has it really come to that?

Everyone else is a rat.

Especially the slutty brats.

Now that’s a fact.

Let me go, I’ll learn to grow

Say goodbye, I won’t bother to try

Your mistake, you’ll learn from fate

Because every guy you’ll meet is fake

Acting distant I see?

I was certain you loved me

Oh shit, scary word right there

It’s a bitch, not even fair

As I seclude back to my lair

Wishing I could smell your hair

There I fucking go again

This will end, but when?

I hope you remember my smile

Because it’s gonna be awhile

Before you see those empty lines

As I try my best to mime

My old lively self

I forgot, it’s on the shelf

You happy with your damage?

Because I’m not continuing this baggage

 I’ll toss you aside, throw you in the garbage

As I sit, nothing left to do but binge

On the draining thoughts and recollections

And wonder where I left my life’s directions

Let me go, I’ll learn to grow

Say goodbye, I won’t bother to try

Your mistake, you’ll learn from fate

Because every guy you’ll meet is fake

The end draws near

And you’re not even fucking here

It was all a sick trick and a blatant lie

Should’ve put extra emphasis on my byes

You better understand you’ll never meet another (like me)

Oh brother, the others will smother your mother!

And that’s a cold hard fact, girl

Let me go, I’ll learn to grow

Say goodbye, I won’t bother to try

Your mistake, you’ll learn from fate

Because every guy you’ll meet is fake

This Shouldn't Be

So much madness

Let alone sadness

Longing to fix this

But ignorance is bliss

Living for the weekend

Boozing near the deep end

Numbing the vacancy

Cruising for currency

Drinking the pain away

People dictating the ways

Bruising and stammering

Alas I’m hammering

Logic in to your head

Before I see you dead

Stronger than this

Faster than this

I know you inside and out brother

I’m not one of these phony others

I see you, you see me

It’s fairly simple to see

That this shouldn’t be

Told a story one time

A boy goes, searching for a dime

Stomach the size of a casket

Hopes of fame by a basket

Wishing for money for all the right reasons

Education, food, a safe change of seasons

The voyage is more treacherous than anticipated

Promising, he sees a scrap but, what a shock, he’s baited

Hated, jaded, faded, masqueraded

The cop comes with ambition in his mind

His skills are lagging behind

But the badge is all that’s on his mind

When will this story be one of a kind?

Cause I’m fucking sick of all this lying

As the police state starts buying

Its time and the problems increase

All I want is peace
Cease the violence overseas
Especially in the Middle East
As the mighty empire continues to be a beast

The stars and stripes meant the most to me

Now I realize what I was blind to see

(We are)

Stronger than this

Faster than this

I know you inside and out brother

 I’m not one of these phony others

I see you, you see me

It’s fairly simple to see

That this shouldn’t be

About the time for the close

As I’m continuing with these woes

All I want is love, a simple revival

Without it there’s a slim chance for survival

2Pac wanted changes

So let’s rearrange this

And restore his mission to this broken world

Stronger than this

Faster than this

I know you inside and out brother

I’m not one of these phony others

I see you, you see me

It’s fairly simple to see

That this shouldn’t be

You Going My Way, Yahwey?

You Going My Way, Yahwey?

Because I’ve been reminiscing these past days

And I’m forever settled in this strange haze

As I’m hit by the sun and its strong rays

A lot to think about

Wondering my heart out

If it’s meant to be I would like to know

So give me a sign, or please just say no

Things seemed so right

My heart was beating bright

But that lingering sadness

And the descent to madness

Is pressing my soul

And taking its toll

Where are you my Lord?

As I shake carrying your sword

Your words stand alone

But I stand on my own

Asking

Where are you, Yahwey?

Better than a dream

This set of events
Is better than a dream
More than just serene

Yet I still can't believe
When I'm with you I don't want to leave
It's as if I've known you all of my days
And I shout to the Lord with utmost praise

My prayers have been answered
I am home

2Pac: Why I love listening to this man's thoughts.

2pac, far from being the most loved man that ever walked this fickle earth, was a man that, as he eloquently stated himself, "called [it] as he sees them." I find myself becoming more drawn to a figure that is not only dead, but who also had a vastly different upbringing than I did. Growing up in 3 different ghettos, Tupac was a figure who was traced by darkness, decay, and death everywhere he went. His life was, in fact, very far from glamorous. His paranoia, which he speaks of frequently in many of his songs, consumed his life, and it is a bit mysterious that he started to release many, many songs about his death. What endears me the most about Tupac is that not only was he legitimately a thug and a 'gangsta,' (Red in fact) but he also was a poet, a political activist, and a philosopher, all channeled through his music. It is incredible that so many of his songs still hold so much relevancy even to this day. I do feel like I would be Tupac's friend if I had ever gotten the chance to know him, especially at this place in my life. There are so many questions I have, and so little answers that I can find. And I feel that Tupac felt the exact same way. At the age of 25, God stole him away from us, and I honestly feel a little frustrated at God for that. I feel like he was just at the start of his brilliance, and that his music was just the stepping stone of a much larger figure. I really am looking forward to meeting Tupac in heaven, and I am utterly convinced that he is, indeed, in heaven. He has better things to say about God that pastors with decades worth of seminary study. All this to say that Tupac, if you are reading this, you inspire me to become a better person. And you help me realize that the world is not as black and white as I was lead to believe. I am eternally grateful that my brother happened to come across your music. Wherever you are right now, rest in peace. I have many questions for you when I meet you.